Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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