Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
