If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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