im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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