i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
