I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
