gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
