note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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