he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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