I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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