that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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