I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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