If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
