Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
