She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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