Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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