I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
