Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
