By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just pee around me
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Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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