So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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