I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
