U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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