If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
