2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
