my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
