he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
