i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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