he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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