Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
