i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
