I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
