Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize