You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
where are my eyebrows?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
