Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
