plz talk dirty to me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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