What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
