And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
