i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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