If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
