The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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