watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
