I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
