There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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