Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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