Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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