I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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