ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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