it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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