If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
