you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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