I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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