I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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