so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
