is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still dying that you shit outside
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
