The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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