are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
