its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
