doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
