Everything about him screamed your future.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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