and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
