So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
