You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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